Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Headline News

In an astonishing turn of events after Sen. Arlen Specter's defection to the Democratic party this Tuesday, Republican officials have decided to change the name of their party to "Democrat," as part of their on-going "War on Language."

"Je suis un citoyen démocratique!" radio host Rush Limbaugh said on his nationally syndicated talk show.

Lamenting the potential loss of the art of the filibuster, which will undoubtedly be the outcome of a democratic majority in the Senate, conceptual poet Kenneth Goldsmith said in an emergency press conference today, "We are all Republican." Today's press conference, to be published as Press Conference (by Conference Press), was a twenty-four hour recitation of Tuesday's CNN News coverage. In a follow up press conference about Press Conference, Goldsmith praised conceptual art and talk poem giants such as Strom Thurmond, and wondered what would happen to politics when reading verbatim from phonebooks is left solely to the liberal elite.

In related news, all flarfists are now conceptual poets; and all conceptual poets have taken the name flarfist as their own.

Dr. Williams was unavailable for comment.


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